Since I'm such a helpful individual, I'll offer up some helpful advice. Sadly, the offenders are exactly the ones that will pay no attention to my helpfulness.
ABOUT WHY YOU WEAR IT
- It's sweet that your wife got you that cologne as a gift, and that she says its soooo sexy, but if you think about it, maybe that's not something to wear to work.
- Those silly commercials that imply that women will jump on you if you wear a cloud of sinus-assaulting scent? Lies.
- Applying a fresh layer of scent to yourself just before you go to the gym does not help. You're at the gym, where sweating is expected. It just makes it impossible for me to breathe while running on the treadmill next to you.
- If you're wearing it to try and cover up cigarette smoke, don't. It's not working, and now you smell like a gardenia that's been rolled around in an ash tray.
- If I ride 3 floors up in an elevator with you and can still smell that scent on my clothes an hour later, that's too much.
- If you re-apply your scent multiple times a day, stop it. Just...stop it.
- If you're in an office environment, consider that you'll be in small meeting rooms, offices, and cubicles, and that the building creates something of a closed air-circulation system. A little goes a long, long, long, long way.
- If you are over 21, your fragrance should not be one that is associated with a current pop music starlet, no matter what it smells like.
- Patchouli? Really? I hope you're not expecting to be taken seriously...
- If you are not a baby, you should not smell like baby powder, no matter how cute you think it is. You are wrong.
- For those of you that frequent the shops in the mall that sell food-scented lotions and sprays...I don't understand you. You smell vaguely of cucumbers, chocolate, and ginger. You are confusing me and making me hungry. Please go away.
Even though I don't enjoy wearing such things, it's of course an entirely personal choice. If you must smell, please do so responsibly.
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